Finding Solace

I have only ever been to one support group in my life.  Its not unusual for young Mums to attend coffee groups and new mothers' groups, and that may be the full extent of many people's experiences of the support group environment.  For men, nothing may the extent of their's.

Right after Mum died, I was advised about several support services.  Victim Support met us at the retirement village after Mum was found.  We received information about free grief counselling through the funeral director.  And I was told about a group called Solace - a group that existed to support people who had experienced loss through suicide.

Of course, during my year of denial, I decided I didn't need counselling, and I certainly didn't need to go and share with a group.

Of course my mind was changed about many things since Mum's one year anniversary. In February, during a discussion about finding time to do things for myself, my therapist suggested I go along to the Solace support group that coming weekend.  I figured it was worth a try.

Initially, I was nervous.  I got to the venue late, and couldn't see clearly where to go.  I found the right door to the room where they were meeting, and walked in on a surprisingly large group of about ten (which I later found was, apparently, a small turnout..!)

I had been apprehensive about what I would find.  I thought the group would we weighted with parents who had lost children (because, after all, youth suicide is in the media all the time, right?) and that my situation wouldn't be relevant a year on.

How wrong I was.

There was a mix of people - all ages, all walks of life.  The time between their loss and that meeting day varied between months and decades.  But none of that mattered.  What mattered was that we had all, at some stage, experienced a loss we were finding, or had found, difficult to understand.

I immediately felt a connection with this group where I knew I could talk in a non-judgemental space.  And I think with suicide, sometimes you need to talk about things that might be 'controversial' to others, but the people who have been through that loss know what you mean.

If you or anyone you know has experienced loss through suicide, I would highly recommend getting in touch with your local Solace group - there are two (that I am aware of) in New Zealand.

Like anything in life, nobody understands like someone who has been there and done that.



Find your local Solace group here:

Auckland

Hamilton