Outspoken: Coming out in the Anglican Church of Aotearoa New Zealand - Liz LightfootUniversity of Otago Press 2011
My review on Goodreads is here. I actually put this book in this post last, but realised that it needed to go at the top of the list, as it was so important. It was the book that finally kicked any vestiges of my internalised homophobia to the curb. I initially read it because I know the author. It may have changed my life.
Living two lives: Married to a man and in love with a woman (2nd edition) - Joanne Fleisher2011 Lavender Visions Books
I really recommend this book as it written in a very gentle and optimistic way. This blog entry on the Huffington Post page sums up her own situation.
Late Bloomers: Awakening to Lesbianism After Forty - Robin McCoyWriters Club Press 2000
I'm not forty yet, but I found the stories entertaining and interesting. Many of the stories resonated, and offered reassurance that my experience was not a lone one. It was one of those books where I saw my life in the pages before me.
Dear John, I love Jane - Candace Walsh and Laura Andre (editors)
Seal Press 2010
Married women who love women (2nd edition) - Carren Strock, Routledge 2008
And then I met this woman: Previously married women's journeys into lesbian relationships - Barbee J. Cassingham and Sally M. O'Neill
Mother Courage Press 1993
This book contained the stories of women living in 1970s and 80s America, where the culture would be very different to New Zealand in the 21st century, so I was less likely to meet the same challenges. But some of the stories resonated strongly.
Look both ways: Bisexual politics - Jennifer BaumgardnerFarrar, Straus and Giroux 2007
The Charlotte Museum Trust 2008
This was a great, easy read book about the history of lesbian culture in New Zealand
How To Come Out - Guide for Women Questioning Their Sexual Orientation - Essie ReisEssie Reis 2012
Coming out and disclosures: LGBT persons across the lifespan - Ski Hunter
Harworth Press 2007
I found this book by chance at my local Salvation Army store. I have not read it in its entirety, but did read the part about coming out later in life. There were sections that made me gasp as I recognised my own life in the words before me.
Sexual Fluidity: Understanding Women's Love and Desire - Lisa M. DiamondHarvard University Press 2008
At the time of writing, I'd not actually finished this book yet, but it offered up some great potential answers to questions I had about why I'd not 'known' about being attracted to women earlier in my life.
Gaga Feminism: Sex, Gender and the End of Normal - J. Jack HalberstamBeacon Press 2012This book was revelatory to me while I was in the middle of the process of questioning everything about my life. This book presented the possibility of a different kind of normal.
The Whole Lesbian Sex Book: a passionate guide for all of us - Felice NewmanCleis Press 2004
Once upon a time I wouldn't have confessed to reading a sex guide. Actually, I never would have read a sex guide. But you know, if you are figuring stuff out about yourself you may as well cover all your bases. In all seriousness, though, the byline for this book is 'a passionate guide for all of us.' If nothing else, it answers questions about what lesbians actually do in the bedroom with ideas that aren't from the perspective of male fantasy porn.
All the reading I have done helped me understand that the patterns of my life are common to those of many women. I have only listed the books I've read, but there is a lot online too. I have posted them because this is a list I could have used, and maybe it will be useful for someone else.
No matter what you're questioning in life, I think it always helps to read. It helps to explore your own feelings and your own past, and also to find what experts say, but I think most importantly, to find out what other people just like you have to say too.
I sourced my books from Amazon (on Kindle), Auckland City Libraries and Auckland Women's Centre.
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