I need to explain to you why I asked you to leave my house last week.
I am continually challenged, upset and even puzzled about your attitude and behaviour.
I sent you back to Dad's after you exhibited a host of behaviours that are not ok in my household.
The continued poking at your sister, the critique of the food she had prepared,the continual talking over people and refusal to have a conversation but rather just talk louder so your voice is the only one being heard, and a refusal to wash dishes after your sister and I had prepped the meal runs the gamut from frustrating to totally unacceptable.
I think you are very confused about what love means. Love means a lot of boring shit a lot of the time. It's not sunshine and rainbows and holidays and expensive concerts.
Love has relational reciprocity. This does not mean it has conditions attached, but it does mean that I am more inclined to gift a concert ticket to someone who plans a birthday dinner or clears dishes without being asked than someone who tries to wear me down in negotiations over a basic instruction.
It's calling you out when you are being loud, so that your future partner isn't continually talked over.
It's rostering you to wash dishes, so that you will be a good guest when you visit friends and relatives.
It's trying to find the right combination of recreational screen time that doesn't invade time and space with family, so that you can practice your interpersonal and self management skills.
It's racing to parent teacher interviews even though you aren't there.
It's talking to social workers, counsellors, school leaders and lawyers about how I can nurture you through difficult emotions even when you refuse to come to my home.
Women my age are sick of men thinking we owe them something. We are sick of men talking over us. We are sick of men thinking they can discuss our appearance or ability as if we are not present.
Women my age do not want our sons to turn out like their fathers and their grandfathers.
And furthermore, we do not want our daughters being their victims.
You can bet your life that women my age are prepping their daughters for the battle of their lives. It was a battle we couldn't win, but we know the MO now, and our girls will be prepared.
So, if you would prefer to be on the right side of social change, I suggest you man up. And that doesn't mean man up to be the tough guy. It means man up and kick toxic masculinity to the curb.
Don't expect women to serve you.
Don't expect women to be ok with your loudness and constant commentary.
Don't expect women to exist to entertain you.
You are expected to participate in all parts of society, not wait for a woman to do the shit parts for you.
It's actually not much to ask.
As a woman of this age, I will always - always - love you. You might not believe it, but the love I have is the boring, timeless type. You don't have to do anything to deserve it, but nor do I have to do spectacular things to prove it. I just do boring shit and think about you every day.
You will always be loved and always be welcomed in my household. Even by women you have disrespected in the past. We all do better when we know better.
If you have no respect for me and that is going to spill over into your behaviour, know that that behaviour will not be welcome.
If you think that you get a hard time visiting a woman led household, then boy, you are in for a shock when you end up in a woman led world.
Just stop and listen and learn. You will find more peace that way.
