What is love? Baby, don't hurt me...

But I do hurt her, sometimes.

I want no other, no other lover
This is our life, our time
We are together I need you forever
Haddaway - 1993

And that's what it comes down to.

Kate Love wrote for Elephant Journal

Great love is born from challenges and the ability to overcome them.

It’s walking through darkness with the faith that there will be light on the other side. It’s the math problem that just can’t be solved. It’s everything we never knew we wanted and needed. It’s not knowing how the story will turn out, but being happy to even be a part of it.

Predictability can be comfortable, but it can stunt your growth.

Discomfort is ...well...uncomfortable..but if you keep talking and keep touching it can be worked through, and you become a better person on the other side.

Love with my soulmate takes me to soaring highs where words are not enough to describe how I feel or tell her how much I love her or how happy I am.

And that deep connection keeps us tethered to safe ground when times are tough. She is my best friend and knows me better than anyone else. I am safe and I know I can tell her anything. Difficult conversations are still difficult, but they have no fear or shame attached to them, so we are able to communicate effectively.

As middle aged adults, and particularly as women (who statistically bear the weight of these duties) our lives are full of all kinds of tensions and stressors.

Caring for young children.
Caring for adult children.
Caring for an elderly parent.
Finding fulfilling work in a market flooded with bright young things and low wages in a city with high living costs.
Living with a chronic pain situation.

The words here, too, are inadequate to describe the emotional energy invested and depleted in doing all these things.

Sometimes I hurt her.
Sometimes she...we...just hurt.

"Am I worth it?" she said on particularly difficult day when things with my family threatened to wear us down.
I said "Yes, you are worth it. Because I am worth it."

Someone who loves all of me in every way. Someone who respects me. Someone who knows that we have to work at this. Someone who is happy to observe and help in my own growth. Someone who loves my brain.

I am worth it.  This is worth fighting for.

Because we have in a sense stepped off 'the escalator' we don't take anything for granted.

Our life together continues to evolve,  and being the overthinkers that we are, we continually assess and talk about where we are at.

Happily ever after at the top of the escalator is a myth we keep being sold.  It's flowers and chocolate and jewellery and trips to secluded beaches and domestic fucking bliss.

I don't want happily ever after.

I just want ever after.

Even with the knocks and bumps and tears.

Ever after with her.